I had an awakening, the last and greatest so far, on 10/31/2007 at 4:45 PM in Point Roberts, WA. I have always experienced a sense of presence with and in "me". I had always experienced the world as sacred and magical. I became aware of this presence as a vast and powerful intelligence, full of love, when I was five. Over the years, I learned to discern his inner guidance. It was he who gave me every awakening. It was he who showed me that there is no world "out there". There is, in fact, no "out". There is consciousness and we are that. There is no "separate self" but selves are unique perspectives ("Filters") or trait sets that are all eternal manifestations of the one Consciousness that is Source/First Cause.
The world we perceive to be "out there" is a projection of a reality within Consciousness. Intimacy is constant and only our concepts of being separate allow us to experience the semblance of "privacy" and "private subjective reality". No deed or thought is unwitnessed by the whole.
I have called this presence always "Michael". Asked about our relationship he has shown me the cosmos as a vast field in which to experience various degrees of imagined autonomy. We learn and become more and more like First Cause who many-fested Self as many selves that each might independently perceive and grow more and more like First Cause, exercising, at first unconsciously, their/our authority over experience as deity unawares. We are meant to evolve towards conscious appreciation of the unbounded creative energy in each of us--and the sacredness of all.
That said, there are two directions in experience: One falls deeper into the delusion of separation which creates the profane. The profane is merely a concept to describe a loss of orientation--a loss of the experience of our existing complete intimacy with each other, the world and the cosmos. The other direction of evolution is expansion into more and more awareness of love and the inescapable sacred intimacy of all.
So, about "intimacy": It cannot be achieved because it IS. All we can do is disguise or forget this truth. If we then forget our forgetting we devolve towards the profane. If we remember our forgetting and then remember our integral sacredness and the sacredness of all, then we evolve towards truth.
I have been celibate for seven years. My body many, many times each day scintillates with waves of chilling fire that dazzle through my form, up and down my spine into my head. It is the most exquisite pleasure I have ever known in flesh. I have dedicated my life to this presence and, although I love to give pleasure to others, I know that directing their minds to the physical aspects of pleasure in forms of sex (which defies the truth of intimacy already, inescapably present) is a devolution into the profane, rather than an evolution towards the truth that sacred intimacy is an inescapable fact. Separation and private deeds and private thoughts can only ever be imagined.
I am neither religious or spiritual. I am not seeking. I know what happens next because I have already died once. I came back to tell what I learned. We are unique but never separate. We are loved perfectly and eternally, no matter our delusions. We cannot be apart from what we are a part of. Any behavior or thinking that moves away from the reality of our divine integral authority is profane in the way I have defined it. It does not help. Thinking physical contact is required for intimacy is in this way profane. You may have never given this voice but any increasing aversion to sexual contact is an unspoken witnessing to these facts. Given that I feel and hear more and more the thoughts of others, I can hardly imagine being touched physically in a sexual manner. What man could I find who could match the level of awareness of assimilation into the constancy of intimacy that I already KNOW? It could only take me backwards and so it is profane. It is deception and an unhelpful illusion. By saying "I need this in order to have intimacy" we are denying the truth that all we can ever be is intimate.
“None sleep so soundly as those who but dream they are awake.”